What's that noise? Do you hear it? Clank. Clank. It's been present since I started my journey but I stopped paying attention to it. The people up ahead distracted me and I decided to follow them. But, I find myself lost. Clank. Clank. That's My Compass! Dangling off of My Back Pack! I forgot I had my own compass, my own back pack, and my own path. It was time for me to reorient myself; to reclaim my own dreams and desires and learn how to navigate the path I was prepared for.
Re-0rient was the name of my first home exhibition held by invitation through out the month of December 2017. I had just completed 20 plus paintings over a six month period while working with Jessica Serran in her Becoming Artist program. While curating the exhibit, I realized that what I had been painting was a clear picture of my current state of mind and what I most valued at this point in my life; transitioning and family.
I had been feeling stuck in my life and out of balance the past few years. I was having difficulty transitioning from an at-home, on-call mother role to a full time career position once again. My kids were becoming more independent and I needed to do the same; to go from being on guard and contracted to being fully in flight and expanding. I did not embrace the idea of returning to a traditional job. I was being called to be more creative. My preoccupation with transitioning from one state to another showed up in paintings titled recycling, revolving, reconciling, recharging and reviving.
It has been said that "you know what you value by looking at how you spend your time and money." I would add "and the memories and people you cherish." My maternal grandmother Rosa Rafaella was my first acrylic portrait. I was lucky to have her as part of my life for 48 years before she passed at the age of 104 years old. Painting her portrait allowed me to spend time with her again and express how much she meant to me. Similarly, painting my father and sister, Corinne, who had both passed more than 15 years ago, allowed me to revive their memory and honor their existence and continual presence in my heart. Paintings of special moments with my children in their activities, my mom relaxed on the beach, and my church community members in fellowship showed me how much I treasure these moments with these individuals.
Having seen this subject matter hung in the same exhibition allowed me to see my life at this point in time. Was I honoring my dreams, my internal compass and blazing my particular unique narrow path or was I following the easy wide well worn path that others had set before me? Do I like my surroundings? Am I carrying things I no longer need? Do I need to give something up to add something new so I am prepared for the next leg of my journey? Painting these past six months has lightened my load and refocused my journey. I am looking forward to the adventure ahead . . . an International exhibit in Prague this May!
